hers...

Today was our visit to Ivy-Ann's orphanage. We were hoping for some time to see the place where Ivy-Ann spent the first four years of her life. We wanted to spend time with the other children who Ivy-Ann has grown up with and whose faces we've grown to love over the past 10 1/2 months. We knew a bit about a nanny who has been taking Ivy-Ann home with her, and we knew that this nanny and a "doctor" wanted to have lunch with us after our tour to the orphanage. What we didn't know was how this day would play out.

The orphanage is two hours away from our hotel. Because the other three families we are traveling with were going to a different orphanage, our guide went with them. He assigned a colleague of his to travel with us today. He was very nice, but we were disappointed. Charlie was not assertive, nor did he translate much of what was going on. It was frustrating. We were thankful to have someone who spoke English with us, though.

The orphanage is on the top of a mountain. All the way up I was gearing up to meet the nanny and to see the place my little girl has called home. I assumed once we entered, we would see everyone. I was wrong. When we pulled up to the orphanage, we were bombarded by about 10-12 people. They opened the van door, and a beautiful, young lady snatched Ivy-Ann up.

The chaos began. They were all cheering and clapping for Ivy-Ann. Eventually we were led into the orphanage, and the children bombarded us. Those precious faces that I've looked at on the screen were living and breathing. I knelt down and said, "Ni hao" (hello) to each one, looking them in the eyes and stroking their cheeks. All around us, the nannies and others were still yelling to and about Ivy-Ann, and I wasn't sure where my daughter was at that point. I grabbed a bag of Dum-Dums and started handing them out to the kids.

The chaos continued. I finally asked if we could see the babies. A new friend of mine is going to get her little boy soon, and I wanted to take some pictures of him. They led us into the babies' room, where all the babies were in their cribs. We all went around talking and gazing at their beautiful faces. It is heartbreaking to think these children have all been abandoned and some may never have families or homes. It was gut-wrenching seeing the reality of that. These babies and children are taken care of, but it is still an institution, and it is not a family. It was very difficult for us all to see.

I then asked if we could see Ivy-Ann's bed. And that's when the unknown story began to unfold. Ivy-Ann doesn't have a bed in the orphanage. Ivy-Ann was abandoned when she was 6 days old. When she was 2, a nurse and her husband started volunteering at the orphanage and fell in love with her. They took her home and fostered her until she was about 3 1/2. They had tried for a long time to have a baby, and they decided they wanted to adopt Ivy-Ann if the wife didn't get pregnant. They now have a 4-month-old baby boy.

When they could no longer keep Ivy-Ann, another family stepped up to foster her. They were an older family and very good friends with the younger family. We thought that Ivy-Ann only went home with this nanny on occasion, but she was actually living with them. And we had no knowledge of the younger couple or that Ivy-Ann was fostered during that time in her life.

Our visit to the orphanage lacked in so many ways because of the excitement surrounding our daughter. We didn't get to see Ivy-Ann's favorite room. We didn't get to see the "schoolroom." We barely got to see anything. We were only there for about 30 minutes at the most. And during this time, the young nurse was carrying Ivy-Ann around.

At this point, it was on to lunch. There were about 15 people that went to eat with us. The nurse wasn't quite ready to give Ivy-Ann up, so she invited me to ride in her car with her. She spoke a small amount of English, and it was awkward. However, it was good. Her husband drove, and she, Ivy-Ann and I sat in the back. I could see how much they loved Ivy-Ann and how thankful they were that we were adopting her.

After lunch, they invited us to their home. She had prepared a beautiful photo book of pictures they had taken when Ivy-Ann lived with them as a gift for us. It was a precious time seeing them, their beautiful baby boy and the place our daughter called home for a good portion of her life so far.

We then went to the home of the older family that had been fostering Ivy-Ann. They were not quite as attached to her, and they had fostered other children as well. They loved Ivy-Ann, though, and we are thankful for them.

Then it was time to say good-bye. We took pictures of us with each family. The precious young nurse and her husband were in tears, and so were we. We thanked them all and assured them that we already loved Ivy-Ann very much. We hugged everyone. The hardest hug for me was the young nurse. There were few words spoken and understood, but there was much said through that embrace.

They walked us out to the van, and each hugged Ivy-Ann. Then we shut the door. She never cried, but she came quietly back and sat next to me. She looked around and said each of our names, and then she sat quietly. The two families wanted to "drive us to the highway." Apparently that is a Chinese custom. We were hoping that once we got to the highway, they would go one way and we go another. But they stopped and came over to the van once more.

Ivy-Ann didn't budge. She had on her seatbelt, but I was letting her take the lead. They were all sticking their heads in and saying goodbye and I love you, wanting her to come and hug them. She just waved and said, "Bye bye." Within three minutes of them finally shutting the door, Ivy-Ann was sound asleep in my lap.

At one point, she stirred, looked up at me and said, "I love you" in Chinese then went right back to sleep. When she woke up, she looked at each of us said our names again. She also said and signed, "I love you" to each one of us. Her family. Hers.

Today was hard, but it was good. We are so thankful for those families who love our little girl, and we are thankful that they loved her enough to be glad she no longer has caretakers but has parents and sisters. A family. Her family.

(I'm off to bed now. I'm not proof-reading this, so I'm sorry for any errors. I may come back and add more or change some things later, but I needed to write this much out tonight.)